Sloth Mom @CaseyExplosion Internet sloth, and gigantic nerd. Profile pic by @Skutchdraws and banner by @LiquidAzalea. She/her. Streaming Wednesdays at: twitch.tv/caseyexplosion Oct. 03, 2018 2 min read

Hey folks, today I'd like to tell you a personal story.

When I first came out as trans many years ago, I ran afoul of someone who seemed to take an intense dislike of me, and wanted to make my life hell. This wasn't some right winger or fundamentalist, but another trans woman.

It was on some old message board, she was someone who often spoke about trans issues, and when I started speaking on these topics, she got very intensely angry with me. It was as if me talking at all was infringing on her domain, and so she wanted to shut me up.

At the time, I hadn't been out long, and I was still seeing a psych to get a referal for medical transition. She used this against me to say that I was entirely unqualified to address trans topics, or to even call myself trans in the first place!

So was so hostile, she even took to sending my private messages telling me I wasn't a "real transsexual" and never would be, and how dare I speak for the *REAL* trans people, because I obviously wasn't one, to her I was just some no nothing kid with a kink. She said as much.

And the truly sad thing, she wasn't the only one that tried to knock me down early in my transition. One particularly venemous trans woman told me, when I was happy about finally getting that referal, that I didn't deserve it.

"Deserve" it!?

I felt extremely hurt and alienated from the trans community early on, not just because of stuff like this, but because I found almost nobody I related to. Support group meetings were awkward, I was often the youngest person there by over a decade, and I felt so alone.

That first year of transition was a high of happiness of finally coming out and getting on HRT, to intense lows of alienation and intense spite and hatred. It was an experience I hope other trans folks starting off never really have to go through.

Transition should be happy.

And I'm probably pretty close to the "true" trans idea these folks had; intense dysphoria, transitioned medically, and very binary identified. You know? I wasn't the type you'd expect them to admonish. But no, to them I was what they'd call a "trender" nowadays.

The point of this story is...

I promised myself that I would never become one of those assholes and repeat that pattern of abuse, I swore I wouldn't gatekeep people, or kick down to make myself feel validated. And I'm glad that I kept that promise all these years.

This is why even tho I don't truly "get" nonbinary folks or understand their experiences, I never try to talk down to, mock, or invalidate them. Because god damnit I know what it feels like to be on the end of that hate, and I just wanna grab 'em and scream:

"YOU ARE VALID!"

That's the moral of the story, don't be a jerk to enbies.


You can follow @CaseyExplosion.



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