Charity Majors @mipsytipsy CTO @honeycombio, ex-Parse, Facebook, Linden Lab; cowrote Database Reliability Engineering; loves whiskey, rainbows. I test in production and so do you. 🌈🖤 Mar. 14, 2019 2 min read

reminded by my last RT on "devrel as CTOs for the product" to say something I meant to say earlier this week, in response to the replies about my thread on giving women power in tech. particularly the replies about negotiating for salary.

(still with me? ok!)

when @lizthegrey was considering honeycomb and we started talking comp, she a) knew her worth, b) which was considerable, c) and she very calmly yet firmly let me know what level of impact she was looking to have on a company, and that she expected fair comp in return.

and it was so. fucking. refreshing.

i found myself looking back on that interaction and marveling in how easy it was, what a *relief* it was. there are all kinds of ways it could have not worked for her to join us -- sync and fit are especially tricky at high levels.

but she made it easy by simply knowing herself and what she wanted, and communicating that to me, then leaving it up to me to see if we had a liz-shaped hole and what we could afford. no drama, no pressure.

(i do have liz's permission to share this btw 😉)

i was thinking about this because -- at one point in my life, i would have bristled at a woman being so self-confident, or negotiating such a high position for herself.

i'm not proud of this. but i would have. 😔

i was thinking about my joy and pride in Liz (and in myself for hiring liz), and felt relief when I realized that my instincts really have changed. my subconscious reactions to powerful women have shifted a _lot_ over the past .. five years? even less

i used to love being the first woman on the team. i always felt much more comfortable around men than women. for a whole load of reasons that we don't need to go into.

my subconscious was def sexist, so i paid closer attention and tried to override it whenever it flared up.

that's all it takes, really. i've changed a lot, got further to go, but it's not really "work" in the usual sense. it's more like untangling a knot in your hair.

it's so rewarding, every little bit of fuckery you manage to dislodge gives you more authentic access to humanity.

i've always loved that (apocryphal?) quote from Keynes, upon being chided for changing his position. roughly,

"When the facts change, I change my mind. And what do YOU do, sir?"


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