Eric Garland+ Your Authors @ericgarland Intelligence analyst and advisor to CEOs and governments. I break down global events into clear narratives and appropriate profanity. May. 01, 2019 1 min read + Your Authors

BARR: MUELLER'S REPORT IS MY BABY I AM ITS DADDY CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT WITH IT

DON'T CALL CPS, EITHER

WHITEHOUSE: Does the Judiciary do judicial things? About law?

BARR: Naaaah? Probably not? What's a law? IT'S MY BABY

WHITEHOUSE: So, can't the President just go to court over this?

BARR: I AM THE BOSS! NO COLLUSION! NO CONTUSION! WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

WHITEHOUSE: So, what's this bullshit about "spying" on our own country? You ever use the term before on investigations in the US?

BARR: Spying is good! I say spying all the time. I spy all day! I was in the CIA. We spied. But I said spying by accident. Spying is spying.

BARR: THE DOJ IS NOW AN INTELLIGENCE AGENCY!

*adjourns*

(Sorry gang, had real world stuff and couldn't live tweet Great Uncle ObstructionPants the way I wanted.)

Also, point of order: William Barr will heretofore be officially referred to as Great Uncle ObstructionPants.

Who works for Grampy Mob McTouchyPants, and not the Constitution.


You can follow @ericgarland.



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