I know many men who’ve been in abusive relationships. I know men who are in abusive relationships right now.
What kills me is when abuse is framed as a “feminist act”
Or, in queer relationships, when it’s framed as a “oh, that’s just how the community is!”
Cruelty is cruelty.
I’ll give you a few examples of what I mean.
I used to know a guy who was with a much older man. The dynamic between them always seemed off,
The older dude thought he was some kind of revolutionary bc he barely bathed & was needlessly rude to minimum wage workers.
The older dude had money & status
He cheated. A lot. A friend who was in that circle kept telling me, “Oh you know, he’s just not interested in the tyranny of monogamy”
Sure, he was interested in a different kind of tyranny. He liked to hurt people’s feelings & enjoyed it
Everyone was always kissing the older dude’s ass and going on about how he was a heroic gay man, living his truth — but he hurt his partner
Years later, people were “shocked” to find out that the hurt had been physical as well
I knew what he was, bc I’d married a similar dude.
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