Sam Dylan Finch 🍓 @samdylanfinch Mental health & chronic conditions @Healthline. 🌱 Very earnest, very gay nerd. 🌈♿ Aug. 29, 2019 3 min read

This is a thread of all of the reasons I, personally, don’t want to have children.

Since a lot of folks can’t seem to wrap their head around why I’m not having a family. Spoiler alert: It's not because I want to sit on a pile of money and eat avocado toast.


(1) I don’t want to. 🤡

That should be reason enough, because no one is obligated to reproduce or caretake if that’s not their bag, but apparently that's not good enough, so onto the other reasons.

(2) Environmental circumstances. I don’t trust that there will be a habitable planet for my kids to inherit, and with an exponentially rising population, I can’t reconcile having kids *especially* if I'm not passionately invested in it/feel it's my calling.

(3) My health. I have severe OCD and several disabilities that would make child-rearing a very difficult thing for me to do physically, financially, and emotionally. I don’t believe that anyone should have children unless they feel they are truly capable, and I'm not.

(4) I’m not straight. And I don’t have the necessary ingredients to bake up some kiddos with my partner, and it would be prohibitively expensive to try.

(5) "What about when you're OLD??" I have strong community & familial ties, which I do trust. I’m not going to have a child just to create a caregiver for myself.

A society that can't take care of its elderly without baking up some kids is a failing society. Sorry not sorry.

(6) It’s impossibly expensive. I have student loan debt, medical debt — as does my spouse — and we live in one of the most expensive cities in the country. We’re not interested in uprooting our entire lives and taking on a lifetime expense for something we just... don’t want.

(7) I can be a positive influence in the lives of young people WITHOUT being a parent. There are many avenues through which we can have a positive impact on the next generation. We need people who have the capacity to do that labor, too.

(8) I have a sibling who intends to have kids, and I would like to be freed up to be there for them should they need me. I believe it’s a completely valid choice to be the awesome gay uncle that’s a safe haven for them, should something happen or if they lose their way.

(9) I love my life just the way it is. That’s the honest truth.

And that should be enough. It isn't selfish to want to create a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you. What's selfish is expecting your children to do that for you.

If I’m going to have a child, it’s because I want to bring a unique individual into this world to enjoy and explore everything it has to offer. It’s not about me.

It would be selfish if I DID have kids, not the other way around, given my circumstances.

If we don’t have the freedom to create lives that reflect our most sincere aspirations and highest selves, wherever that leads us… what is that freedom for, then? I’m the captain of my ship, and you are the captain of yours, and that’s a sacred thing we ought to respect.

The same people who talk such a good talk about personal freedom seem to get all bent out of shape when you start exercising that freedom to live a life on your own terms, if the terms don't look like theirs.

I refuse your terms. Because I'm honoring my heart, not yours.

Also, since it's a lot of religious folks that like to say that I'm "supposed" to have kids... if God could pull off immaculate conception once, I'm assuming it can happen again, right? So I'd say the ball is most definitely NOT in my court here. Your book said it, not mine.

We're not going to run out of people who want to have kids. So let the folks who are opting out live their damn lives, alrighty? And if they want to eat avocado toast while they do it, mind your business.

(Also worth mentioning... if I have kids, who's going to take care of MY parents? You have no idea what a handful they really are.)

You can follow @samdylanfinch.


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