Sam Dylan Finch 🍓 @samdylanfinch Blogger, gay nerd, friend. 🌈 Editor, Mental Health & Chronic Conditions @healthline. ♿️ Astrology @Greatist. ✨ OCD/ADHD & eating disorder recovery. 🌿 He/him. Sep. 06, 2019 1 min read

I’m genuinely confused by the reactions to Natalie and Kat’s conversation about pronouns.

There were statements made about how cis people choosing to ask for someone’s pronouns ONLY because they know you’re trans — and not doing so in other contexts — was causing dysphoria.

And that makes sense...? Because they’re asking not because they want to set this as a precedent, but because they’ve clocked you.

And that’s messed up? I feel like we all... would agree there?

Cis people need to interrogate the context in which they ask for pronouns.

I absolutely want people to ask about pronouns, always. I DO find it questionable as hell when the reason for asking is “I see that you’re transgender” rather than “I believe this should be the norm in every space.”

And we SHOULD find that questionable. Because it’s loaded with cisnormative assumptions about what trans people do and don’t look like, AND that placating them when they’re around is the objective, rather than dismantling cisnormativity everywhere.

And even if the conversation was had in a messy way that I apparently missed somehow — can we just ask folks to clarify and approach with curiosity instead of creating these villain narratives based off of a twitter exchange?

Updating to add — thanks for folks sharing more context below. I know this is a painful conversation and I so appreciate how thoughtful folks are in how they’re unpacking this.


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