The lamentable fate of Mike Stuchbery 🎃🍷 @MikeStuchbery_ (Freelance) Journalist, Historian, Teacher & Tour Guide ★ 🇦🇺 in 🇩🇪 ★ Contributing Editor at @BylineTimes ★ History at @TheLocalEurope ★ Resolutely ↙️↙️↙️ Sep. 14, 2019 3 min read

Because there's a whole lot of extremely online reactionary man-children losing their minds at a video of a twerking class, of all things, and bleating about 'modernity', here's some selected antique filth. /1

It must be noted that these artefacts are presented for purely educational purposes, and that here is your obligatory NSFW warning. /2

Perhaps the earliest recognizable motif in prehistoric art is the exaggerated female form.

The 'Venus of Hole Fels' is the earliest statue of its kind at around 40,000 years of age, and was found in the glorious German state of Baden-Württemberg.

Damn, girl! /3

Perhaps the oldest verifiable depiction of two people doin' the nasty is around 11,000 years old and was found in a cave in the Levant in 1933.

This stone statuette - the 'Ain Sakhri Lovers' predates widespread agriculture in the region.

Get some! /4

Now here's something recognisably smutty - these two clay plaques are around 4,000 years old, and were discovered in Mesopotamia.

They are examples of mass-produced decorations used in temple and houses across the region.

She's totally drinking a beer too! The depravity! /5

Ancient Greece (and surrounding lands) was absolutely 🔥🍆🔥 when it came to filth.

Each of these is an example of a plate, bowl or vase found in major communities of the Greek world, dating between 650 - 250 BCE.

These were sold all over the place. /6

We couldn't leave Ancient Greece without mentioning all the gay and lesbian erotica out there.

Most of these date from the same era, though I think the fella with the ring is significantly older. /7

As massive fans of the Ancient Greeks, the Romans were super, super horny too. Each of these is a mosaic or a painting from the ruins of Pompeii, destroyed in 79AD.

Most were found in villas, in areas for congregating or socialising. /8

Hell, just last year, a new mosaic was uncovered in excavations of Pompeii (what you see is only a fraction of the town), depicting the myth of Leda and the Swan.

A typical tale of Zeus having his way with someone, it has been a favourite motif of artist# for centuries. /9

Look, if you want to get *really* freaky, they pulled a statue of a satyr screwing a goat out of ruined Pompeii. No word of a lie.

If this is what could be found in one provincial town, imagine how much more smut was spread across the Roman world! /10

Even after the spread of Christianity, erotic art was still displayed prominently. You could find Sheela-Na-Gigs on the exterior of many churches across Britain and Northern Ireland.

These images of a woman bearing her vulva were supposed to ward off evil. /11

Admittedly, things die down during the medieval period, but still, these marginalia from illuminated manuscripts show that even monks (who mostly created them) couldn't keep their minds off the freaky-deaky. /12

Once the Renaissance arrived, nudes became a common motif again, created for markets who couldn't get enough of them.

One of my favourite artists Hans Baldung Grien, a German painter, spent most of his career painting and drawing sexy witches! /13

I'm gonna leave it there, for various reasons, but I want to make three key points.

1. If you enjoy historical sexuality, follow @WhoresofYore. End of story. She is the expert, I'm just an interested amateur. /14

2. These examples are largely drawn from 'the West', or cultures that have been revered by it.

Other cultures have a history of erotic art that deserve their own threads.

Absolutely amazing stuff. /15

Finally, guys whining about women taking charge of their bodies have to realise, comparatively, we live in one of the more puritanical ages of recorded history!

Take the stick out your arses & just appreciate that here's a safe environment for women to express themselves! /FIN

Obviously, 'comparatively' is doing a lot of the work in that tweet.


You can follow @MikeStuchbery_.



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