The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Oscars: Best Actors https://trib.al/VGuazXY
Leonardo DiCaprio's career high is being handsome and successful continuously throughout his entire life. https://trib.al/PJETWve
Adam Driver's greatest achievement is gamely putting up with the 'Star Wars' franchise. https://trib.al/PJETWve
Joaquin Phoenix's acting skill level is good, but he’s no River. There will never be another River. https://trib.al/PJETWve
Oscars Fun Fact: With 'The Two Popes,' Johnathan Pryce is now one of only three actors to portray all 266 popes on screen. https://trib.al/PJETWve
Antonio Banderas's best physical feature are his perfect feet that you can’t help but want to suck on. https://trib.al/PJETWve
The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Oscars: Best Actresses https://trib.al/U65KUn7
Scarlett Johansson most notable role is convincingly portraying a loving partner to Colin Jost. https://trib.al/U65KUn7
Saoirse Ronan's career dream is to become the first actor to play a precocious 70-something. https://trib.al/U65KUn7
Renée Zellweger looks more like a Lizzie or a Maggie. https://trib.al/U65KUn7
Charlize Theron's real name is Charles Entertainment Cheese. https://trib.al/U65KUn7
Cynthia Erivo's expected acceptance speech: How existential ethnography can change the shape of Jewish studies research. https://trib.al/U65KUn7
The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Oscars: Best Directors https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
Quentin Tarantino's career highlight was getting to work with big-time Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
Recurring themes in Martin Scorcese's films: masculinity, religious guilt, mortadella. https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
Bong Joon-ho's filmmaking style is to allow the actors to ad lib the entire film, then passive aggressively display better dialogue along the bottom of the screen. https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
Sam Mendes is notable for trying to warn us about Kevin Spacey with 'American Beauty' (1999). https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
Todd Phillips' favorite Joker is Jared Leto. https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
Director nominations for Greta Gerwig: Oh, whoops, this is embarrassing. https://trib.al/HZZV1TF
The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Oscars: Best Pictures https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
‘Marriage Story’ is about a married couple that goes through a bitter acting contest. https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
‘Parasite’ has the best chance of any non-English-language film to win Best Picture since 'Goodfellas.' https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
‘Little Women’ is about four sisters who wonder if they can have it all while simultaneously juggling expectations of womanhood in both the 1860s and 2019. https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
The defining line from ‘Once Upon A Time In Hollywood': “What do you think of that Sharon Tate girl? Pretty alive, right?” https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
‘Ford V. Ferrari’ is a shoo-in for best picture after winning Best Car Film at the American Auto Awards in 2020. https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
‘1917’ follows two desperate soldiers in an alternate reality where WWII never happened. https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
Defining line from ‘Joker’: “Outside, I look sad. And inside, I am also sad. But if I make my outside look happy, my inside will be happy. I’m insane!” https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
The prospects of ‘The Irishman’ Best Picture winning are already covered under Scorsese’s lifetime achievement award. https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
‘JoJo Rabbit’ is about a member of the Hitler Youth who discovers how easy it is to use fun gags to get audiences to sympathize with the people conducting the Holocaust. https://trib.al/8DsFC8y
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