Blair Braverman+ Your Authors @BlairBraverman Dogsledder. Author. Adventurer. If you like these tweets, you'll love WELCOME TO THE GODDAMN ICE CUBE (@eccobooks). May. 17, 2020 2 min read + Your Authors

WHICH QUARANTINE SLED DOG ARE YOU?

(a thread)

Refried:

1. avoids most of her peers anyway, so not much has changed

2. eight naps a day

3. has taken up gardening

Dora:

1. channeling her unsinkable energy into new projects

2. enthusiasm can be annoying to the other members of her household

3. eats lots of fiber

Hari:

1. can only handle the younguns in small doses

2. gonna get through this with patience and optimism, but

3. isn’t so sure about zoom

Weegee:

1. mostly ok but can get overwhelmed with emotions

2. wants constant comfort and attention

Willow:

1. is just, like, constantly babysitting. that’s it. that’s the quarantine.

Jenga:

1. is an old retired boss bitch and has earned the right to not change her habits

2. eats flies

3. started a feud with a teenage boy for fun

Wickson:

1. is young but also kind of growing up too fast

2. doesn’t know how to handle anxiety so he distracts himself by goofing off

3. secretly loves his feud with Jenga

Pepé:

1. makes intelligent and emotionally healthy decisions all day long

2. laughs at people who don’t do the same

Leap:

1. dyed her hair

2. hides her feelings

3. eats lots of beaver

Flame:

1. falls into deep melancholy over small changes because what if they mean that everything she relies on is falling apart forever

2. also, what if people don’t really love her even though they say they do

3. fashion

Grinch:

1. his whole life changed dramatically last year, when his arthritis got bad and he had to stop running, so he’s already made the biggest adjustments

2. never stops delighting in small things, like grass and sunshine

3. obsessed with his toy fried chicken

Lima:

1. just grateful to be in quarantine with his best friend

Jelly:

1. I mean, like, yeah, she’s really grateful to be with her best friend all the time, a lot of people don’t have that, it’s a gift and she’s not complaining, but sometimes she thinks it might be nice to be, like, alone for a little bit too because that boy is a LOT

Jules:

1. CAN WE REOPEN CAN RE REOPEN CAN WE REOPEN CAN WE REOPEN CAN WE REOPEN CAN WE REOPEN CAN WE REOPEN COME ON COME ON PLEASE CAN WE REOPEN YET NOW HOW ABOUT NOW HOW ABOUT NOW NOW OR NOW CAN WE REOPEN CA—

and last but not least—

Spring:

who suffers from the knowledge that everyone is a fool but her

the end.


You can follow @BlairBraverman.



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