Stephanie Hurlburt
+ Your AuthorsArchive @sehurlburt Businesses: @_binomial @artbysehurlburt Instagram: 🏳️‍🌈 She/her Dec. 01, 2020 1 min read

I was listening to a podcast with sex researcher Dr Brotto, and she was saying there are many many different reasons to have sex, many great, but having sex out of fear of what would happen if you didn’t is not a good one. This mindset helps prevent that, among other things. 👍

Another related mindset shift that helps is getting rid of the idea that anyone is *entitled* to sex. That is a breeding ground for scary abusive behavior, especially common in men IME. No one, no matter their relationship or closeness with you, is entitled to sex, to any extent.

I had a great therapist once who said sex is a bit like giving someone a gift. There are a lot more ways to show love than buying your partner presents all the time— or even at all. And if your partner starts expecting or demanding gifts, not good. But gifts can also be great.

The podcast for the curious, Dr. Brotto also has a great book on the topic. 

I can't speak as much on it because I don't feel as educated on the topic, but I've personally found a lot of growth and learning in observing asexual friends' close and sexual relationships. There are healthy patterns and boundaries not talked about enough outside that community

Kind of like how there are toxic heteronormative standards and expectations and roles, I feel like the same is true in sexual relationships and it does damage to people and asexual people often get it right more often in my opinion. We can think beyond dated roles & be healthier.

You can follow @sehurlburt.


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