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foone
+ Your AuthorsArchive @Foone Hardware / software necromancer, collector of Weird Stuff, maker of Death Generators. (they/them) ko-fi: ko-fi.com/fooneturing Oct. 16, 2021 3 min read

hey, friendly reminder: your site shouldn't easily leak who has and doesn't have an account, like letting you submit lost password requests and saying "cannot find user with that email"

this goes double when your site is a gay porn torrent site

this one isn't 100% avoidable because probably your site is just going to say "hey you can't register with that email address because it's already in use" when a user tries to register a new account, but hopefully that's at least behind a captcha so it's a little slower

although right now this site has signups disabled so you couldn't use that

but having a way to check if an email address has an account or not means that anyone could just run their whole address book through it and find out who they know who has an account on a gay torrent site.
That could easily be bad for them.

also I think these bastards deleted my account merely because it was inactive for a decade

nevermind I dug through enough old password archives to find my account.
COME TO ME, CATALINAVILLE!

it's not just gay porn: it's gay porn WITH FLOPPY DISKS in it

there we go, floppies!

he's using a computer-based faxphone. interesting

SHIRTLESS MEN DOING IMPORTANT COMPUTER THINGS

nobody can shoot hot up-close floppy-ejecting action like a gay porn director

more hot floppy-disk-inserting action

this is how I try to hack websites too!
I'm not a very good hacker

I love this clip so much. I can't really explain why it's so funny.
I think it's mainly thinking about how much work it was to set up a shot specifically for these 2 seconds of a floppy being grabbed, so we'd know he took the floppies when he left the house

"I gotta get him this disk" and then the main character's lover getting murdered over a floppy disk is not what I would expect from your average gay porn movie

also the audio mixing on this movie is AMAZING.
the arguing people are dubbed in like they're in the room, despite being inside the house, and the gunshots are so bass-less that it sounds more like a cat coughing in the distance

fortunately, after his lover is murdered, he's able to escape into a 1980s music video

nice... something you've got there.
is that a c64 that's had all the ports covered up?

there's a slightly closer shot and it definitely looks like some kind of commodore

floppies again!

ACTING!

remember, this is a gay porn movie. I know it's hard to tell at times, but it definitely is.

also I like how they could clearly only afford one gun prop.

this actor does not know how to type and the way he fakes it makes it really obvious

also, eww, he was keeping the virus floppy in the front of his swim trunks

you can't have an 80s/90s techno-thriller (even a gay porn one) without a payphone

this is now officially the best movie I've seen in 2021

he escapes into a storm drain, drowns the assassin, and thankfully the floppy in his pocket didn't get wet. the end

the film, btw, is Catalinaville, from 1998.
It was made by Catalina Video and written and directed by Josh Eliot.
The starring actor is Steve Rambo.

and if you want to watch it, it's actually been uploaded onto youtube, with the fucking cut out.
It's still age-restricted, though:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1WpMiS3e8I 

thanks to @Foxhack for telling me of this amazing film.

It'd be interesting to see how much you could improve this film by just editing it.
Not taking out the gay porn, but just trimming each shot a bit, and maybe re-dubbing some of the voice acting

so much of why the dialogue feels terrible is the editing. you can see each shot start, there's a pause, and then the person starts talking. I imagine whatever they were using to edit this wasn't very accurate, so that was the best they could do

but put it in a modern non-linear editor and you could trim out a lot and make the dialogue flow better

unfortunately/fortunately I have too much stuff to do to really consider doing a project to make an improved cut of this 23 year old porn film


You can follow @Foone.



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