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+ Your AuthorsArchive @Foone Hardware / software necromancer, collector of Weird Stuff, maker of Death Generators. (they/them) ko-fi: Oct. 17, 2021 1 min read

I dreamed I was applying for a job but since it was at my current employer I had to give my "current employer" as a company I last worked for in 2016 and gave my name as a friend from college

Is this the new pandemic scam? Get multiple jobs at the same company? They never figure it out because you're only working remotely?

I'm gonna have a whole division of me working for/with me.
I'm not worried about my manager figuring it out, because I am my manager.

Upper management gets suspicious, asks hr to look into it.
They do a thorough investigation, and then report their findings.
One of me gets fired for scamming the company. Just one, though.
Surprise, I'm hr too.

I can't wait for some NTFSbro to see this and complain. "noted borkchan hater 'foone so called turing' calls our jpeg market a scam and yet openly admits to scamming their company by being multiple people! We should mass report them!"

They send in hundreds of letters. I delete them all. They're coming to me, you fools, I'm PR too

The funniest part of this scenario is the idea that they'd actually say "they".
Like, they're fine with scamming and trying to get people fired for criticizing them, but they draw the line at misgendering.

Hey, do you find people's pronouns confusing and hard to remember? Sure, we all do. That's why we at TransTech have invented Professional Nouns, the only coin powered by encoding people's pronouns into the borkchan.

For too long, people have refused to gender trans people correctly, wondering "what's in it for me?"
Well, now with Professional Nouns, you can earn exciting Gender Points every time you gender someone directly.

Collect enough of them and you can purchase limited edition unfungusable jpegs!

And believe me, we've tried. We've got dozens of experts, trying all manner of different environments, growth mediums, light or dark, we even consulted with some professional mycologists.
We're completely unable to fungus these jpegs.

You can follow @Foone.


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