dade @0xdade Lie, Cheat, Steal, Kill, Win. Everybody's doing it. Steady diet of free-range, home-grown, artisanal memes. Feb. 26, 2018 2 min read

So I was at Walmart the other night and I was standing in line at the checkout. I didn't have much but the self check out lanes were closed and the only lines were pretty long. So I'm standing in line, literally just buying deodorant and toothpaste.

The older lady in front of me had tons and tons of stuff, like her cart was nearly overflowing. This was kind of irritating, I had to stand in line for so long just to buy a couple measily things.

So I'm thumbing through twitter, bored out of my mind, when she turns around to grab something out of her cart and notices me. She called out towards me, "Henry? Is that you? How can you be here?"

My name is not Henry, so this was quite peculiar.

"No, my name is Dade" I responded. As the words left my lips, she was noticeably disappointed. She went on to explain, "Sorry, you look just like my son. He went missing 15 years ago and we thought he was dead." I was mortified. What could I possibly do to alleviate this?

"I'm sorry to hear that, it must be awful to have to live without knowing what happened to him." I barely managed to say, trying to sound less awkward than I felt.

"It's terribly sad. This is going to sound kind of weird but... could you give me a hug?" she said.

Very odd, but this woman just told me she thought I was her missing son, it would be cruel not to oblige. So I lean in and give her a hug. She grasps me tightly and as we let go she thanks me, tears rolling down her face. "Thank you so much, it means the world to me."

So she goes on finishing unloading her cart and then reloads it after the checkout lady is finished. She walks off and I walk up and place my items on the belt.

The cashier rings me up and says "That'll be $740."

I was shocked. I asked her how that could possibly be for a stick of deodorant and some toothpaste.

"Your mom said you'd cover everything in her cart."

WHAT.

Did I just get scammed? I set aside my items and told her to hang on, there must be some mistake, I'll go clear it up.

I run towards the door, trying to catch up with this lady. I can see her unloading her cart into her car in a nearby handicap spot. I call out to her.

As she hears me call out, she hurriedly tries to finish unloading her cart. I run towards her and she's got her car door open. She's getting in the car when I catch her, I grab her leg to try to stop her from getting away.

So there I am, trying to get her out of her car. I'm just pulling her leg and pulling it.

Just like I'm pulling yours.

Thank you, Thank you. I'll be here all week.


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