Eric Garland @ericgarland I predict stuff accurately and love the middle finger emoji! Want more? here: t.co/aA6dyqLikf Mar. 23, 2018 2 min read

<DOJ LIVETWEET>

Let's rock.

DAG ROSENSTEIN: For many decades, the US has made all the cool toys. Foreign assholes have been stealing our shit forever.

F**K ALL THAT.

SDNY INDICTED NINE IRANIANS FOR HACKING COMPUTERS IN THE US AND OTHER COUNTRIES

AND THE IRANIAN GOV'T IS BEHIND IT

IRAN HAS STOLEN RESEARCH FROM 300+ UNIVERSITIES

MORE THAN 100 IN THE US

IRANIAN HACKERS HAVE COMMITTED WIRE FRAUD, COMPUTER FRAUD, AND BEING GENERAL ASSFACES

Indicting these assholes will help deter other assholes by naming them and arresting them, also putting them in jail and stuff.

HAHAHAHAAA! ASSHOLES! YOU NOW HAVE INTERPOL RED NOTICES ON YOU

LEAVE YOUR RATHOLE, AND YOU GO TO JAIL INSTANTLY ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€

"I'd like to thank SecTreasury Mnuchin"

OMG he got through that without laughing - so awesome. ๐Ÿคฃ

GEOFFREY BERMAN, US ATTY-SDNY:

So you morons normally think we can't find you, but LOL guess we know your names. Whoopsie!

Who is behind this crap? The Islamic Revolutionary Guard.

(HEY KNOW WHO LAUNDERED MONEY FOR THE IRG? DONALD AND IVANKA TRUMP!)

Iranian hackers targeted universities, private companies, and NGOs.

targeted 100,000 accounts of university professors

compromised 8000 accounts

STOLE MORE THAN $3 BILLION WORTH OF RESEARCH

Iran's hackers stole key innovations from America's brightest minds, across many sectors

SET UP RULES TO FORWARD ALL FUTURE EMAILS FROM VICTIMS TO IRANIAN ASSFACED CROOKS

Iranian assholes got into our ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE

WE WILL JAIL YOU DICKS

(EG NOTE: 1. Note that WE ARE IGNORING THEIR GOVERNMENT, WHICH WE NO LONGER CONSIDER LEGITIMATE, JUST LIKE WE'RE DOING WITH RUSSIA

2. OUR TOOL IS RULE OF LAW, NOT WAR ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ)

Berman: We are the undisputed masters of pwning hackers. We own your shit, even in Iran. That's how awesome we are. Scumbags take note!

BOWDICH-DDIRFBI: Among our many superpowers, we pwn hackers anywhere on Earth.

Today, we're indicting the individual scumbags behind this attack on our universities.

"They're not admiring our work - they're stealing it, taking credit for it, and sell it to others." ๐Ÿ‘ฟ๐Ÿ‘ฟ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

Jesus. This crew of hackers took on the Dept. of Labor, state of Hawai'i, and THE UNITED NATIONS

BOWDICH: Yes, it's hard to apprehend such individuals. BUT ENJOY YOUR INTERPOL RED NOTICES, FUCKERS. YOU WILL NEVER SEE PARIS OR BALI OR DISNEYLAND EVER AGAIN. SIT AT HOME AND ROT.

(EG note: this mean no more London apartments, no more money laundering, no more vacations. YOU SIT AT HOME IN RUSSIA AND IRAN AND CHINA AND WE SHUT YOU OUT OF WORLD MARKETS. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ)

(God I love this) We will not allow corporations and universities to victimized a second time!

Mandelker-Treasury: We are sanctioning ONE institution and TEN individuals

(EG note: No way it's limited to 13 Russians and 10 Iranians. WE WILL EVENTUALLY ARREST THOUSANDS)

Ooh: This Iranian hacking and money making DIRECTLY FINANCES THE WAR IN SYRIA, KILLING THOSE POOR PEOPLE ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ

Who else did these assholes target? UK, Canada, Germany, Australia...NATO AND FVEY ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ 

(Hey guys, remember how Rudy Giuliani and Michael Mukasey tried working to get those Turks off who were helping Iran launder money? Just curious)

(Oh, and remember Mike Flynn being in the pocket of Turkey AND Russia? Think it's maybe all one Russian operation? Just curious. ๐Ÿ˜Ž)

Rosenstein is about to come out of his suit he's so excited about how SUPERB the FBI's cyber experts are. ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

The rest is here. Have fun!  https://www.justice.gov/live 

</THREAD>

PS. Note that FOX NEWS' CHAIR IS EMPTY ๐Ÿ˜ 


You can follow @ericgarland.



Bookmark

____
Tip: mention @threader_app on a Twitter thread with the keyword โ€œcompileโ€ to get a link to it.

Enjoy Threader? Sign up.